Off to the Dirty Jerz.
Check ya later tumblr. I am off to my home state for a long weekend of wedding fun, family drama, catching up with old friends, my fave foods (anything Italian, bagels, eggrolls, etc.), Memorial Day celebrations and lots of reminiscing.
Let’s hope the weather in New Jersey holds up this week/weekend. My cousin is getting married in SIX DAYS! And as of right now, the weather looks perfect. I bet I just jinxed us though…Damn.
“Juicy.”
I just finished watching Real Housewives of New Jersey. Here are my thoughts:
- The show takes place in Franklin Lakes, NJ. I grew up in Wanaque, NJ. According to Google Maps, they are 8.4 miles apart.
- I worked in Franklin Lakes in high school and college.
- My mom worked in Franklin Lakes for a long time.
- My mom and dad grew up in Oakland, NJ. According to Google Maps, they are 3.1 miles apart. However, being from NJ, I can say for a fact, that they are bordering towns.
- I went to high school with the bride in the scene at the Brownstone.
- The Brownstone is, in fact, the premiere wedding reception location in NJ.
- My cousin is considering having her wedding reception at the Brownstone.
- I have been to the bar, Lua, where Danielle got stood up.
- Their accents are bad, but not that bad.
- New Jersey looks kind of nice and green on the show.
- I am looking forward to the rest of the season because like a car wreck or Paris Hilton, you can’t help but watch.
No Bravo?
I was pretty jazzed to watch Real Housewives of NJ last night. There is definitely some six degrees of separation going on with me and all of those crazy, plastic, orange NJ ladies on the show.
10pm is late for me. I know, I am a serious nerd. But I stayed up and started flipping through channels to find Bravo. Apparently, I don’t have Bravo. Way to go Gables for only offering Grande Communications or Dish Network to your residents.
I guess I will have to wait until Bravo put the full episodes online.
UPDATE: Thank you hulu.
New blog?
I have been thinking of starting a new blog lately. I am not sure what the topic will be, but I like to cook…and eat…and I do random things like clip coupons and bargain hunt. I am also single. I have a cat. And I grew up in New Jersey. I am an only child too.
I don’t really see a theme with those things, but I’ll keep thinking about it. It’s great to write down random thoughts and quotes and experiences and share photos, but it would be nice to write about something I am passionate about.
Curious.
I just took my garbage out and I spotted a black Lexus with some seriously tinted windows with a New Jersey license plate parked outside.
I am very curious right now. It’s not every day someone from the Garden State is in Dallas. I might have to start knocking on doors to find this mysterious visitor (or new resident?!) from Jersey.
Jersey Born, Jersey Bred, Jersey Trash Till I’m Dead!
*Please note: I did not write this. I found it on the Facebook page of an old friend from Jersey. And I like it.
Yeah, I’m from Jersey, have been all my life. I’m gonna give you everything about Jersey - the good, the bad, and the ugly.
First… New Jersey people are conceited. It’s true. We hate
everyone else. And we think we are better than everyone else. And we never stop talking about how great Jersey is. Then we tell people to “shut the fuck up” when they tell us all we talk about is Jersey.
Why are New Jersey people self centered? Because we have reason to be.
Next, some of the most famous people have come from our
state. Just to name A FEW… Frank Sinatra, Bruce Springsteen, Kevin Smith, Whitney Houston, Martha Stewart, Lauryn Hill, Catch 22, Anne Hathaway, Kirsten Dunst, Queen Latifa, My Chemical Romance, Bon Jovi, Jack Nicholson, Bruce Willis, The Four Seasons, Danny Devito, Tom Cruise .. and the list Goes on.
Not only do we have famous people, we rank in the top 10 of smartest states every year.
Not only are we smart and famous…we’re rich. Bergen, Somerset, Morris, & Hunderton counties rank in the countries top 15 richest counties. And despite the slums of Newark (yes, Newark, not New -ark) & Camden which are some of the countries most dangerous places to live, we have 4 of the top 10 safest cities to live in the US.
And we smell? Yeah, we do. New Jersey smells like ASS. On the Turnpike, between exits 14 and 17. That’s like, 5 percent of the entire state.. Bayonne, Port Newark, and Secaucus. And the surrounding areas. That’s it. The majority of the state smells like trees. Because the majority of the state is trees. In fact, three of New Jersey’s cities rank in the countries top 10 least polluted cities. So shove it.
New Jersey is ideal. I live 20 minutes away from New York City and 45 minutes away from the famous jersey shore, which by the way is amazing. You think your beach is better? Fuck you. Why do you think MTV’s true life had an episode titled “I’m a Jersey Shore girl.” Because it’s the best fucking shore in the country.
My house is 3 minutes to the nearest mall, 5 minutes to the next, and a 10 to the next. I just Counted 7 malls within a half hour of my house. Find me another state that has all that to offer.
Yeah, we have accents. Who gives a shit? Everyone has an accent. And no, we don’t say “Joisey.” We do say “cawfee and tawk.” But I can tell you it’s a hell of a better accent than you bitches from the south.
Hungry? Don’t worry. We have 24 hour diners. A million of them. We also have Hoboken which has some of the finest places to eat. And you have not had real Italian food until you come here. Okay?
And WE can’t drive? NO.. YOU can’t drive. In the south the speed limit signs read: speed limit 60.. minimum 45. WHAT? That’s why you people can’t drive. Who has a minimum speed limit? New Jersey drivers like pissing other people off solely because of the reputation. This is what we will do…just so you know…if we see an out of state license plate, we’ll tailgate your ass. Probably because you’re only doing the speed limit we want to go 20 over. Then, we’ll cut you off… and go slow in front of you. Because we can. And because when you go home you’re gonna complain about us. We like it, it doesn’t bother us….it’s what we want.
We like fast things. Things move too slow in other states. You can tell that someone is from New Jersey by the way they walk. They walk really fast and have a strut that says “I’m better than you.”
Music scene? Amazing. Remember Hunka Bunka?…DJais, and last but definitely not least… TEMPTS!!! Enough said. We also have the best local bands… The rap scene, I don’t know much about that, but I know it’s there…and I know it’s good. Obviously the club scene. You don’t know club music until you come into New Jersey… SERIOUSLY. - - - - “We don’t pump our gas … we pump our fists.”
Just shut the fuck up. If you go to Seaside boardwalk or Belmar. You’ll probably see some of the trashiest, skankiest girls and some of the most guido, gelled up hair, Armani Exchange wearing boys that take too many steroids and have too much sex… But they are gorgeous and they know how to dance better than anyone you ever met in your life. So yeah, the stereotype that all Jersey chicks are trashy, is true … but only if you go to Seaside. That’s pretty much it. The rest of the state is full of confident, beautiful people that speak their mind.
The majority of Jersey people are Italian, or wish they were. We drink and smoke way too much. Oh yeah and we throw the sickest parties … in the woods.
What else? Giants, Jets, Nets, and of course the Devils. They’re
better than you. So shut the fuck up. And we have more Yankee fans than New York City. Come to Jersey with a Sox hat on … I fuckin’ dare you!
And oh yeah, we say “yo.” Often. And “fuck.” I don’t complain that you say “y’all” so don’t complain that I say “yo.”
To sum up New Jersey, yeah, most of the stereotypes are true,
probably for about 5 percent of the state. The rest of the state is beautiful.
And yeah, we hate you. We love ourselves. Wanna know why? Because all you bitches hate us. How would you feel if the other 49 states spent all their time talking shit? We deserve to be our own country cause we’re that cool.
